My 90 Day Story

Preface

I'm going to go ahead and apologize for the length and the messiness of this article y'all. My story is a bit of all over the place, and to be honest I don't feel like writing this article like a school essay. So please bare with me as I tell my story with random thoughts, comma splices, no organization, and several spelling errors lol. Also There will be several "lols".

What made me start?

Like most people who decide to make a dramatic change in their life, there was a specific circumstance that inspired me to change. It's hard to fix a problem when you aren't even aware that a problem exists. If you know me personally, then you know I absolutely despise confrontation. I will do anything at all costs to keep my own peace. I would agree that most of the time, it is a good quality to possess. This quality of mine made arguing over what we were having for dinner easier, it made a lot of friendships survive, and it made everyone around me happy. But one night a good friend was kind enough to tell me that I had taken this quality of mine too far. As a result of me "keeping the peace" I was actually just carrying all the stress myself. When I let bad things slide, it let other people know that I was okay with them treating me wrongly because I never spoke up. My friend told me "Gracie, you have to know what you want, and then you have to let other people know that. If you don't, you're going to end up hurting yourself and them." After thinking back on this night I realized that part of the reason why I couldn't stand up for myself was because I didn't even know what I wanted to stand up for. "It takes 90 days to build a habit Gracie," they said. "You need to consciously work everyday for 90 days to learn how to stand up for yourself." And that, everyone, is how the 90 days challenge was born.

How I designed my program

I began my challenge on the very next day: May 16th, 2021. Creating this program was so hard because its hard to measure how much you know what you want or how much you stood up for yourself. That's when I remembered seeing the "75 hard" challenge on TikTok. If you aren't familiar with the program I totally recommend checking it out. I then decided to make my own version of 75 hard, but tailored it to my own goals. I also extended it to 90 days for sake of "habit making." These were the challenge rules that I set for myself:

1. Journal everyday and answer these questions

- What do I want out of today?

- How did I voice my opinions today?

- How did I stand up for myself today? - What could I have done better?

- What am I struggling with? How will I fix it?

- What is one thing you're thankful for?

- What is God telling you today?

2. Read at least 10 pages of a book everyday. I picked 4 books. I chose one book for personal growth, one for my time with God, one fun book, and one to teach me a new skill.

- Book #1: Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes https://www.amazon.com/Year-Yes-Dance-Stand-Person/dp/1476777128

- Book #2: 90 Days of God's Goodness by Randy Alcorn https://www.amazon.com/Ninety-Days-Goodness-Randy-Alcorn/dp/0525654216/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1M346SB7YH8IN&dchild=1&keywords=90+days+of+gods+goodness+by+randy+alcorn&qid=1628373426&s=books&sprefix=90+days+of+gods+%2Cstripbooks%2C184&sr=1-3

- Book #3: The Stand by Stephen King https://www.amazon.com/Stand-Stephen-King-2012-08-07/dp/B01FGIGV9O/ref=sr_1_4?crid=132VV546P94E3&dchild=1&keywords=the+stand+stephen+king&qid=1628373492&s=books&sprefix=the+stand%2Cstripbooks%2C207&sr=1-4

- Book #4: Buffett's 2-Step Stock Market Strategy by Daniel Jiwani https://www.amazon.com/Buffetts-2-Step-Stock-Market-Strategy/dp/B08GFSZHHV/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=buffet+stock+market&qid=1628373527&s=books&sr=1-3

3. Spend time with God everyday.

- I did this by starting with singing worship songs, then praying, then reading scripture or doing a devotional.

4. Stick to your gym plan

5. Make healthy eating habits

6. Drink a gallon of water a day

7. Take a picture everyday

<< My first picture

The hard things I learned

You always hear people say "Working on yourself gets lonely." I've always kind of understood that, but I never knew why. I think after completing this challenge I know why. When people say they are "lonely" its not because they don't have anybody. During this challenge I had the most supportive friends. There wasn't a single day when a friend or family member wasn't checking up on me. They made it known that they were there for me, and that if I ever needed anything then to let them know. Now I know you're probably wondering, "Then how on earth was it lonely?" And I've come to realize that it gets lonely because no one besides God can ever truly understand you. People were always there for me, but no one else could go on my walk for me. They didn't understand how something as simple as knowing what you want could be difficult. I also realized that no one else really had a problem with me not being able to stick up for myself because that was beneficial for them. I was the peacemaker, and no one had any complaints. When you start your challenge know that even though everyone might not understand, God knows exactly how you feel, and he alone is more than enough.

Secondly, I had to learn how to motivate myself. No one else wanted to carry around a giant water bottle. No one else (except Piper hahah love you Piper) would actually complete all my workouts with me. No one else except my Journal knew what I was struggling with. I had to learn how to be consistent with my own goals. This was especially helpful because priorly I had difficulty distinguishing my goals from other people's. When my family decided to relax and skip church just for one week, I had to decide if I was going to church for myself or just because my family went. I think I have been to church 4 times completely alone in these 90 days, and it was weird the first time but I've actually begun to really enjoy the time with just God and I. I learned that motivation fades, and if that is all I rely on I wont be able to do it. That is when I developed the mindset of discipline over motivation. It didn't matter if I wasn't motivated enough to go to church or the gym, as long as I had the discipline to go anyways.

Lastly, I had trouble answering some of the journal questions. Particularly with "what do you want out of the day?" and "how will you fix what you are struggling with?" I struggled with these because sometimes what I wanted I couldn't have at that time, or it didn't exist. I had to learn that not everything I want is what I need, and not everything that I want is what God wants. This question certainly taught me patience. I struggled with the second question because some of my problems could only be improved, but not completely fixed. There are some things in life that are out of our control, and in these instances we can only choose how we will look at it, how we act towards people involved, and if we will allow it to effect us. I had to accept that I am incapable of fixing everything, and that is okay.

The wonderful results of this challenge

I can not express how glad I am that I did this challenge. When you are constantly thinking about how to better your life, that alone makes a huge difference. The "year of yes" book as well as "don't waste your life" by John Piper really helped me to make an adventure out of each day. These books made me bolder, and I did things that I would have been too uncomfortable to do in the past. I planned out my every task for the next day, and always had a plan. Not only did this create excitement, but it got rid of a lot of unnecessary anxiety. When you think about what you want out of each day, you will not be able to wait for the next day. I went to sleep eager for the next day to get here. And I was the reason for that. Its not because of circumstances that happened or people that did it for me, I made the effort to control my happiness each day. Saying that you can't be happy or change your circumstances is a lie. You are in control, and you are not hopeless. I have upgraded my journaling since starting, and I now have morning and night routines, as well as new goals for the day, week, month, and year. I no longer sit around waiting for the day to pass, I instead soak up each second of it and wish there were more.

After a lot of time in prayer, I am now able to figure out exactly what I want. I have surprised myself by sticking up for myself in situations that I would have previously found very intimidating. I have found the "5 4 3 2 1" method to be very helpful. People usually choose if they are going to react within five seconds. If something happened to me that invoked a negative emotion, I knew I had five seconds to speak up before the opportunity passed. This method was effective because it didn't give me time to talk myself out of it. All I had time for was to engage in what was said and let them know I wasn't okay with it. I know I have improved so much in this area because not only can I stick up for myself, but I can stick up to others. For the first time in my life I received a text that said, "thanks for standing up for me!" on day 78. They ended up telling my parents how I stood up for them and both of my parents expressed how proud they were of me. I have learned that confrontation isn't always a bad thing.

Also since the start of this challenge, I have a new love interest. His name is Jim. Wait no actually I think it's spelt gym. (I'm so sorry omg that was a terrible joke). But yes haha this challenge has made me fall in love with going to the gym. And as a previous obese kid, that is something I thought I'd NEVER hear myself say. But the gym was always my favorite part of my day, and I was sad when it was over. Sundays became my least favorite day because it was rest day. Over these past 90 days I have purchased SO many new gym clothes that it's not even funny. I also signed up for the weight training class in school this year?? I've only had 2 classes so far but I really enjoy it. Shout out to my homegirl Sejal for being the only other girl in that class with me lol. My family now refers to me as a gym rat, and if I'm not home they all know I'm at the gym. I have conquered my fear of people at the gym, and I walk in there like I own the joint (even if I end up dropping weights on my toe hehe). I have become more confident in my body, and not necessarily because my appearance improved, but because I know I have gotten stronger. Please enjoy some improvement photos below. Its not much, but I'm very proud :)

** Oh yeah and also, this challenge has given me something to write my college essays about lolol. Well technically, I'm writing about how Ptoughney is symbolic of my struggles in this challenge and in my life, but anyways I wouldn't be able to have this great essay that will (hopefully lol) get me into college without this challenge.

The most important part.

Don't get me wrong, I am so happy with all of the progress I have just mentioned, but I am most pleased with the progress I made with God. Before this challenge I felt as though I had drifted from him unknowingly. During these 90 days I have found my way back. I would have given up on this challenge less than half way through if I didn't have God's comfort, stability, forgivingness, and unconditional love. When I devote my personal improvement to him, it becomes so much better. He is the reason why I didn't feel alone, and he helped me to decipher when I needed to speak up or let him handle it. Because of him I know the plans I need to make each day and the steps I need to take. Without him I either wouldn't know what I want, or I would desire something that wasn't actually good for me. I messed up plenty of times, but God never pushed me away. Instead he welcomed me back time and time again and continued to be my helper that carried me through. I believe that not only did he use this to strengthen me, but that he can now use me to help him do the same thing for you.

Thank Yous

I have so many people to thank, but I will just list a few. If you are my friend or have even sent me one small word of encouragement, know that you made a huge impact and I'm so grateful for you :)

To the person that inspired me to start this program, thank you. Thank you for seeing that something wasn't right. Thank you for telling me how it was without sugar coating it. Thank you for waking me up and making me realize that just because it makes everyone else happy, doesn't mean I should have to sacrifice my own happiness. You have truly made me change my life. Thanks for helping me grow up. Anytime I stand up for myself or others, I owe it to you. Life is tough homedawg, but so am I. I'm built different built like a baked bean lolol.

To Piper aka my gym partner, thank you for making the gym an adventure and for keeping me accountable. It was much easier going to the gym knowing that if I didn't show up at 7:30 am, you would come and drag me out of my bed. I'm sorry for killing you during my workouts and for telling you to shut up whenever you would try and stall with long stories. Thank you for making me laugh by constantly posing and looking at yourself in the mirror. Thank you for being a safe place where I could tell you anything and know it was safe with you. Thank you for somehow being so attached to me despite my annoyingness that you won't go a day without checking on me. I know we get on each others nerves plenty lol but I know that you are a person who genuinely cares. I love you homegirlll

To Kerwin and Tyler, Thank y'all for being my personal hype men hahah. Even though y'all both live states away, you have always slid up on my snapchat posts about my challenge and given me encouragements or compliments. I read over all of them frequently and they are a constant source of joy and motivation. Thank you Tyler for having that facetime lunch with me to catch up and watch me spill my slushee on myself lol. Thank you Kerwin for calling me just because you like talking to me, and for leaving the most interesting voicemails I have ever (and will ever) heard.

To Drew, Kendall, Kayla, and Pizza Steve(en), thank y'all for letting me spend so much time with you lolol. Our quick trip slushee tradition and blasting cardi B in the car are some of my new favorite things. Thank you kayla and steven for being my literal parents and letting me third wheel on so many of y'alls dates lol. We will have to make extended slushee trips to Dahlonega when Kayla moves off to college :(. For my last year at home I hope I can spend it with all of you hoes before I also have to move to college. Thanks for the laughs and thank you drew for the many times you have farted on me, and thank you Kendall for always calling me a you know what. Love you homedawgs.

To everyone on my snapchat private story, All of you have been so kind and supportive. You were all invested in me and this challenge and I still keep and read over all the kind things you all have said. I am so sorry for the spam of pictures and rants on there though hahaha. You guys are actually the reason why I made this website. You all slid up and asked for my recipes, workouts, advice, and Bible studies. You all inspired me to want to help everybody else. I am always here for all of you and I'm rooting for you!